My best friend Lazzie does not celebrate his birthday. It is a day that brings bad memories and tears to him.
social life
Madzibaba Undertaker
This other day I came across newspaper article of a prophet who had become popular for helping people in the capital.
The Controversial Uncle Lazzie
MY uncle Lazzie Snr is one man whose life is full of drama or rather it is drama.
Live within your means!
We are at a time where many would agree that things are not fine in our country. Continue reading
The power of a married woman!
WIVES are powerful beings!
A Threesome Fiasco!
I don’t know what it is with some men that each time they get out of town, away from their women they would need a woman from wherever they are. Continue reading
Drama At A Funeral
2019 has started on bad note for my homie Lazzie. Not because of the proverbial January disease characterized by his wild spending during the festive season but life in general.
TALES OF BEER DRINKING
Whoever invented beer deserves to be ranked among the greatest men or women on earth.
This is the thought in many people who enjoy the wise waters.
My nephew Lazzie’s wife however believes the person who invented beer should be sued as he or she nearly killed breakfast for her children.
Lazzie left home in the morning, 9am, telling his wife that he was going to buy bread and other things for breakfast.
He was in shorts and sandals and left his cellphone as he was just going to a nearby shopping centre and in 30 minutes he was supposed to be back.
Before he got into a supermarket he heard a hooting sound and looked back. He saw his homies from work having drinks early that morning.
He indicated that he was buying breakfast for his family and as he was about to leave they offered him one beverage.
He initially declined but they persuaded him to have one and he agreed. One became two and the rest is history.
At home, his wife as always had a plan B and sorted breakfast for the kids. She could not call him as he had left the phone at home.
Lazzie returned home at around 7pm with a bottle of whisky in his hand. He tried to give an explanation of what had happened but the wife could not take any of it.
As punishment she ordered him to go and bring the breakfast he had said he was going to buy.
In that drunken stupor he forced his way out and managed to get to the supermarket and unfortunately bread had ran out.
As he was on his way back home, he came across his friends from his pool club who drove him to another braii area for further drinking.
He had to be dropped at home around midnight.
His wife refused to open the door for him and made him sleep on the veranda.
The curse from above
Over excitement is one thing we should strive not to do. In most cases, it leads people astray and end up doing some crazy things.
When my granny deep down in rural Gutu used to say, I took it as a joke till I witnessed an incident in one of my rounds in the ghetto.
There were four friends who had become popular for their blue coloured sports car known for a loud booster and their big spending on the booze.
They were also known for high speed which risked children in our potholed stricken dusty roads.
They had become a common feature every Saturday.
One sunny day, they went and parked at open space where a an apostolic church was gathered with one of the senior members preaching.
The people there were dressed in white robes known by many as garments.
The four were visibly drunk, playing music on high volume and started hurling insults at the church gathering while urinating towards them.
They accused them of taking advantage and marrying of young girls. They also accused them of faking miracles.
This was in the eyes of people passing by. The general sentiment was that there is nothing wrong in holding such opinions but very inappropriate to shout at people minding their own business.
A young boy was sent from the church to instruct the gang to leave the area as they were now shouting obscenities which made the congregants uncomfortable.
As the boy was approaching, one of the guys ran towards him and poured beer on him. He rushed back to the church crying.
This was all in the sight of church leaders.
A group of young men from the church stood in attempt to go and challenge the crew but they were stopped.
The preaching elder took picked his rod and just pointed at the guys who all burst into laughter while getting into their vehicle.
As they drove off, we just heard a loud noise and the sports car was under a haulage truck being dragged in the tarmac.
All the loud music turned into cries.
It was hot and they were very few people nearby serve for those who where at the church.
The church leader called on his people to rush and assist the people who initially resisted considering the insults they had received.
Some people called for the ambulance services but to avail and the church elder again called on his congregants to use their vehicles to drive them to hospital.
Whether it was an accident or a curse from the Most High is a story for another day but the people they were irritating became their rescuers.
What men go through!!
BEING a man is one thing that is underrated.
While women believe it is difficult being them, with the hair and make up stories, weight check, age or whatever, I don’t think they have taken time to consider how it is being a man.
Imagine, if you’re a man and not good looking, that’s it.
You’re ugly!
No room for pimping, you can’t wear make up or have that wig or weave like what women do. Women have that option but us men, never.
There are several other things that men stress about unlike women.
This is one thing my nephew Lazzie used to joke about during the good old days.
He told me how, after being rejected by a certain lady because of his stunted growth hit hair went on to buy some hair relaxer to perm his hair.
Some 15 years ago there was a popular hair cream by the name easy something and he decided to try it after a a small talk with his pal.
Little did he know that applying to much of the relaxing cream will result in burns of the scalp.
On Saturday he was at our place with a hat on his head. It was rare seeing him with a hat, in fact he never wore a hat because of his seemingly large head.
It was surprising for everyone seeing him in a hat, with trash talking he used to do to people wearing hats.
I could not help but take off the hat and boom the hair looking soft and silky, curly which was a shocker. There were boils kinda looking scars on his head.
And we were all like ‘sekuru vakapema musoro’
He was kind of ashamed but being the person he was, he laughed it off and narrated the whole issue to us.
He said it was better putting on a hat than being pointed at with people associating an ailment at him as was back then.
As for the girl, he said no woman is worth all that trouble and decided to look elsewhere.
files from the ghetto 